I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
