hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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