direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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