I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
