When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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