Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
