What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
