He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
