i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're too hungover to prance.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
