I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
