I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
