do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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