Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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