weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
