im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
