If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
try to milk me bitch
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