careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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