Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
