i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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