Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
