Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
