so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
