I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
