I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
