have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How naked do you want me to be?
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