Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am naked and annoyed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
