Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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