Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
