my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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