i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
