My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
