Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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