SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
