I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
