I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
