I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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