I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
