My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
