I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
