You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
