i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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