dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
