so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
