I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
