The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
