Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
