whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
