She's JV to your varsity
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fill condoms, not promises.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
