I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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