You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
