So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
