i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
