You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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