I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
