My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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