It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
