he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
