She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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