do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
