Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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