i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
