I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
