Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
